Monday, December 19, 2011

Spaghetti and Meatballs and The Bugle

The semester's over and not a moment too soon. An enraged parent has sent my name to the "superintendent's counsel," whatever that is, after I failed her student who didn't learn geometry. I can't wait for next semester! Whatever, hopefully I'll get into grad school. Also, I have a one word defense: scoreboard. Yeah that's right, my kids' scores are pretty damn high this year, so bring it on lady.

Ok, so screw this, you want to hear about my balls:

Spaghetti and Meatballs


8 oz. Spaghetti Noodles (half a pack)

Cook per usual.


10 Tomatoes
6 Cloves Garlic
4 Dried Red Chili Peppers
1 tbsp Basil
1 tbsp Oregano
2 tsp Fennel Seeds
2 Bay Leaves

Liquify Tomatoes and Garlic in blender. Simmer to thicken with Spices and Pepper, then Salt to taste.


1.75 lb. Ground Beef
1 c. Bread Crumbs
1 Egg
1 Onion
3 Cloves Garlic
1 tbsp Basil
1 tbsp Oregano
1 tbsp Cracked Red Peppers
1 tbsp Dried Parsley
2 tsp Fennel Seeds

Puree the Onion and Garlic in a mini-food processor with Egg and Spices. Mix mixture with Meat and Bread Crumbs and pat into small balls. Cook balls in a tiny quantity of Olive Oil in your cast-iron skillet. When cooked, add to Tomato Sauce.

Mix everything together and enjoy. This is by far the most delicious Spaghetti I've ever made!

***On a sadder note, my heart goes out to John Oliver, Andy Zaltzman, Chris, and even Tom, of The Bugle. You've made my life better since the moment I first discovered you three years ago. Every time a tyrant is knocked off, or an athlete shoots himself, or penis is mounted for the world to see (that was my high school, baby!), or pun is made, oh God, what am I doing? I can't do justice to the glory that is and always will be the Bugle. It only seems fitting that I lose you the same day that I find out we lost Kim Jung Il. Just promise me, Bugle, that you'll come back, if only for a day, to give Rupert Murdock the fuckeulogy he undeniably deserves. Fuck you Chris, John, Andy, and Tom in order of who I am most afraid will steal the girlfriend that I will certainly be able to get now that I don't have you fuckers wasting all my Friday nights with the complete and total bullshit that I've come to crave like Silvo Berlusconi craves underage women. Oh yeah, stay down! But most of all, my heart goes out to my fellow Buglers. This sucks.

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