Saturday, November 5, 2011

The Best Beer You'll Never Taste (and Other Lamentations)

I just returned from my date. We went to the Festival at the Switchyard in Carrolton to see Third Eye Blind. I attempted to hold her hand during Never Let You Go. I'm never going to be smooth. It's not who I am. Tonight was our third date and I'd never done more than hug her at the end of our first two dates. I wanted to initiate contact in some way, so I leaned over during the song and said "would it be too corny if I asked to hold your hand?" Her response was "um, you can hold my hand, but..." She never completed her thought and I never held her hand. It's a weird feeling to be standing next to a woman whom you're completely and utterly attracted to and would like nothing more than to be around, but want to leave so badly that for a split second you think about ditching her at a concert and going home. To be clear, I can't imagine a scenario where I'd ever actually ditch a person like that. It was just a pathetic thought borne out of disappointment. Fortunately they started playing Semi-Charmed Kind of Life and all was quickly ignored. I enjoyed the rest of the show, however acutely aware I was of the awkwardness of the situation, and we had a pleasant ride home. I suspect I will never see her again. I don't think I'll ask her out on another date. If I misread the situation in some way she'll call me. Until then, I hope that any lonely readers out there find someone even half as great as this chick was. I'd never have had the balls to ask out a woman like her in real life, so I guess I should give a shout-out to online dating and be happy for the dates I had.

Fuck this. You know what else I did today? I bottled the best damn beer you'll never taste.* I corked 20 bottles like the connoisseur I am. Most of these bottles will go to the brewshop and as gifts to various friends. I capped eight 12 oz bottles- at least three will go to competition. If they carbonate properly I expect big things out of them. I've been drinking the boot full of beer that I didn't bottle. My friend gave me das boot as an early birthday present (my birthday's a little less than two weeks from now). Even flat it's out of this world.

I won't explain the brewing process to you on this post- maybe on a future one- but you should check out if you want to know. I do all grain brews (like I said, I'm a real connoisseur), which is Section 3, but you should do some easier brews before tackling a ten-percenter like this one.

Belgium III aka Why Do I Even Bother Manscaping
Strong Belgium Dark
5.5 Gallons 9.98% ABV

14 lb. Belgium Pils
1.5 lb. Cara-45 (Caramunich)
0.5 lb. Aromatic Malt
0.4 Biscuit Malt
0.25 Special B
0.15 Dingemans Chocolate

28.2 oz. Small Lump Sugar from the Asian Grocery Store (because it's cheaper)
0.6 c. Cane Sugar

1 oz. Fuggles (4.20 % AA) (60 min)
0.5 oz. Czech Saaz (4.00% AA) (10 min)
0.5 oz. Czech Saaz (4.00% AA) (5 min)

Wyeast Belgium Abbey II
Safbrew T-58

Brewed 10.10.2011 (Fair Day!!!)
5.5 Gallons Collected
OG: 1.092

Racked: 10.23.2011
SG: 1.018

Bottled: 11.5.2011 (1.2 c Priming Sugar)
FG: 1.016

Mash at 152 and ferment at 68.

Is there a reason that all I can listen to right now is Slow Motion by Third Eye Blind and Why'd It Take So Long For You To Fall In Love With Me by the Tah-Dahs on repeat? Yeah. It's because I'm a 14 year old girl stuck in the body of a slightly overweight, but actually pretty good looking 26 (just about 27) year old man.

*Except for some of you.


  1. oh man... homebrew! sorry to hear about your date :(
    I organized a home brew competition recently for this urban ag nonprofit I volunteer with. some great brews including a rosemary saison, vanilla pumpkin porter, and double chocolate esspresso stout, a couple or brown ales. Since it was w/ crunchy types, off the wall sustainability stories. Come brew for us some time!

  2. Hey mwong, I forget that people read this. Thanks! You have no idea how much I'd like to brew for you, but I hate to admit it, I was feeling funny about the amount of priming sugar I used, looked it up, and realized I used WAY too much, so I uncorked all the bottles and filled up a keg where I could easily control the CO2. It'll still be an amazing beer, but so much for giving it out as gifts and whatnot. I may rebrew it sometime soon to bottle properly. Anyway, thanks for reading and I'm glad to hear you had some killer beers at your competition.