Sunday, October 30, 2011

It's a Hot Dog. It's a Hamburger. It's a Fried Egg.

Here are some texts I received from my happy "hour". I say "hour" because it went all night and ended with me passed out on the floor. At least I can't remember Game 7 of the World Series.

10:28 pm: Thanks for a great time
10:55 pm: You were seriously sleeping on the floor
11:02 pm: Night night

11:58 am: Thanks for a great time. We must do this again.
12:04 pm: You were awesome. I believe my new found goal in life is to always be around you tipsy or at least try really hard to get you there.
12:12 pm: Lol. No worries. I'll keep it to a minimum since I love my liver as well.

5:55 pm: Hey crazy dude. Did you recover from yesterday? It was fun and I am glad you invited us.
6:03 pm: thought you might want this: [a pic of me posing, shirtless, in my robe with a pipe in my mouth.]

What the hell happened? It's been a while since I've gotten this drunk. When I woke up I found that I'd drunk all the cold water I normally keep in my fridge. Thankfully. I wasn't that hung over and I got all my AI homework done. That's right readers, Tommy K has to do something to stay sharp, so he's learning the basics of Artificial Intelligence from the online Stanford class.

Hot Dog Style Hamburger with Fried Egg

1/2 lb. Ground Beef
2 Eggs
2 Hot Dog Buns
Ketchup and Mustard

Collard Greens
Mustard Greens
Turnip Greens
Salt and Pepper

I started by making the greens. Just saute them in some Butter with Salt and Pepper until they reach your desired ratio of wilt to crisp.

Then I divided my Ground Beef into two clumps and rolled them into the shape of a hot dog since I had Hot Dog Buns. Cook on the stove and fry a couple Eggs on them to add a little heft to the meal. Melt some Cheese on top and add a little Ketchup and Mustard. Don't forget to toast the Buns.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Premium Cheesy Italian Pasta

I invited my coworkers over for a happy hour tomorrow. I'm quite pleased with the e-mail invitation. Check it out:


I know this is short notice for most of you, but you’re all welcome to come over tomorrow after school to sample my newest pumpkin beverage or whatever else I have. I live in downtown xxxxx, so it’s just a short drive north on xxxxx road just past xxxxx street. My apartment overlooks scenic xxxxx Park and the xxxxx. The address is xxxxx xxxxx, Apt xxxxx, xxxxx, xxxxx xxxxx. I’m going to leave shortly after school, so 4:45 or 5 for a little bit would be nice. I’m a laid back guy, so whatever.

Tommy K

Pretty sick, right.

Anyway, I made this super-delicious and highly cheesy pasta dish. Yes it's restaurant quality. Yes, it's so cheesy that it can't be good for you.

Premium Cheesy Italian Pasta

7 oz. Pasta of Your Choice (Personally I like it a little thicker. That's what she said. I used Fettuccine.)
3 Roma Tomatos Sliced
0.25 lb. Salad Greens
6 oz. Basil
Olive Oil
5 Hot Italian Sausages Cut to Pieces
Pinch of Oregano
Pinch of Fennel
Pinch of Cracked Red Peppers
Salt and Pepper to Taste
1 lb. Mozzarella Cut Thinly
Parmesan for Garnish

Bring Water to a boil. If you're as cool as I am you'd include the liquid from the Mozzarella with the water and then walk away and find that it foams like a can of shaving cream all over the stove. Wicked. Cook the Pasta. Drain. Place noodles back into pot and drizzle with Olive Oil. Add Salad Greens, Chopped Basil, Spices, and Sausage. When Sausage is pretty much cooked add Mozzarella. When serving garnish with Parmesan. This is decadently delicious. In fact: this dish:decadently delicious::I am:awesomely alliterative.

By the way, I discovered the Tah-Dahs in college and always sing "Alcoholic" and "Temporary" to myself despite the fact that I haven't heard either song in probably 5 years. They got about two seconds of airtime and I'm quite sure nobody has any idea who they are. Their wikipedia page still refers to an album we should expect out sometime in 2006. I can't say that they're a terribly good or innovative band, but I love them nonetheless and found their one album, Le Fun, on spotify. Bless you spotify, seriously. Anyway, you should listen to "Alcoholic" and "Temporary" if you're ever in the mood to have a little of Le Fun. Expect a few Tah-Dah quotes in the posts to come. Also, expect severe celebration when the Rangers win tonight. And expect some sweet Beavis and Butthead watchage when tonight's episode goes online.

F*** St. Louis. At least it was a good game.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Cabrito Guisado

I dined with an old friend tonight. She was actually the first girl that I ever went on a date with, although we didn't determine that it was officially a "date" until many years later. Tonight was not a date; just two old friends taking advantage of the fact that they were in the same city to catch up a little. Still, she's every bit as lovely as I've always found her despite the fact that my first impression was "she's not as pretty as I remember." I quickly realized that I was blind. I always tell myself that I'm not attracted to women that I clearly am attracted to. That's my tell. If I tell you that I don't find a pretty woman pretty, then you can be pretty sure that I want them all-encompassingly (even if that's not a real word).

AnYwHo, I made some Cabrito Guisado the other day which I highly recommend to anyone with tastebuds. Cabrito, by the way, is sexy for goat. Guisado is a stew or something along those lines. Put it on a tortilla and shove it in your mouth.

Cabrito Guisado

3 lb. Goat Meat from the Asian Grocery Store (because it's cheaper that way and they chop it into nice cubes for you)
2 Jalapenos cut into long quarters
8 Cloves Garlic minced
2 tsp El Cumino
Salt and Pepper

Fry the Garlic and Cumin in Oil and quickly brown the Cabrito. Pour the spiced Goat into a slow cooker, Salt and Pepper it to taste, put the Jalapeno slices on top, put maybe a cup or so worth of Water into the slow cooker, and let cook all day. When you arrive home turn it into a taco. Impress your friends or blog about it.

***Word of caution: Watch out for bones.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Get Your Red Hots

Is this a baseball reference because the Rangers are in the World Series?

I'd like to take a second to give a shout out to a dedicated reader and super-hot friend who criticized my last post with the following:

"...and your blog makes it sound like you picked up a hooker in 'a bad part of town- and by town I mean cities away from the city where I needed to be or public transportation that would help get me there.'

When actually, you were rescued by Wilma Flintstone and driven safely home. THEN you got ass."

First of all: hottest Wilma Flintstone ever. Secondly: thank you again! Thirdly: Call me Mr. Flintstone, cause I can make your bed rock.

By the way, I'm not a player. Far from in fact, but scandals sell, so that's what I do, you know. Can you dig? I went out with that internet chick last Tuesday. It was the first time that I've gone out with an internet chick and seen a future. I normally find a million faults with a woman before we've even sat down, but I have yet to find one with her: she's pretty, smart, interesting, likes the same music and TV shows that I like, volunteers... what more could you ask for? Sadly, my voice was rocky and I think I may have underestimated my illness when I said I was over a cold, but had lost my voice. I guess that doesn't make sense. I hope I didn't get her sick. I still haven't completely recovered. I texted her a couple days later to say that I enjoyed meeting her and want to go it again and she replied without any mention of meeting again. I hope she's just waiting for me to get better and ask her out, because I would like to see something come of this. I have Daxos, but I haven't played with him since I got sick last weekend. I know whatever I have almost certainly can't jump to him, but I still don't want to risk it. I love that lizard!

Hot Italian Sausage:

3 Hot Italian Sausages
0.75 Onion Diced
1 Red Bell Pepper Diced
Dash of Cumin
Dash of Garlic Powder
A Little Salt
Olive Oil
3 Hot Dog Buns

Saute the Onion in Oil with Garlic Powder and Cumin. After Onion is cooked, but still slightly crunchy, add Sausages. Salt and Pepper to taste. Shortly before completion add diced Red Bell. Toast the buns and put Sausage and Onion mix on with a little cheese. Enjoy!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Miss You, Too! PANCAKES!

This one's is just for you Doc Money, but in case anyone else is reading, you're welcome too.

This blog is about my life. And food. Specifically pancakes, I guess, but I'll get to that later. I got sick during 6th period last week. I would like to blame my snot-laden kids or some of my sick coworkers, but I also ate an m&m that fell on the floor recently and seem to think that riding my bike across the country and getting dirty has made me invulnerable to germs. That's clearly a lie. I slept a lot Friday night, felt somewhat better Saturday, and then felt great yesterday. Sweet. Then I got to 5th period today and lost my voice. I took some medicine to try to help my throat and get my voice back. I know, I know, I always claim that the only drug I do is alcohol, but this is different. It's for a girl.

You see, I met a woman on the interweb a week or two ago and am going on a date with her tomorrow. At least I hope I am. If I can't talk when I wake up tomorrow I may have to cancel which would totally suck. I'm hoping these drugs work- or that divine intervention saves my ass and gets me, uh, ass? That last comment probably sealed my fate. It's been 354 days. Not that I'm counting. Honestly I'm not- I just happen to remember the last time, because it happened after I decided to take an ill-fated nap on the train on my way back from Fort Worth the weekend before Halloween and just so happened to get stuck in a bad part of town- and by town I mean cities away from the city where I needed to be or public transportation that would help get me there.

Anyhow, I've taken to online dating as loyal readers know and sadly none of my dates and I have been right for each other. Well, the woman I'm meeting tomorrow sounds pretty cool, so here's hoping things go well. Come to think of it, maybe if I lose my voice it'll actually improve my chances!

So that's my life lately, Doc Money. Daxos is good. I carved a pumpkin on Saturday at my friend's pumpkin carving party. School's going pretty well. I recently e-mailed some professors and asked if they'd be willing to write me letters of recommendation for grad school, so I guess all in all things are pretty good.

Blueberry Pancakes

The following recipe I 100% copied and pasted from


1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon white sugar
1 1/4 cups milk
1 egg
3 tablespoons butter, melted

In a large bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, salt and sugar. Make a well in the center and pour in the milk, egg and melted butter; mix until smooth.
Heat a lightly oiled griddle or frying pan over medium high heat. Pour or scoop the batter onto the griddle, using approximately 1/4 cup for each pancake. Brown on both sides and serve hot.

I would definitely cut back a little on the baking powder, but otherwise these were good. I took about 4 oz. of Frozen Blueberries, thawed them, and put them on the soggy side of the pancakes before flipping. This worked out well, but would've worked better had I first drained the bag of liquid. They were still good, though. Serve with Pure Maple Syrup and Orange Juice or Milk.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Cannellini Bean Soup

Not too long ago I introduced you to my bearded dragon, Daxos. Well, as you may have guessed, I won't let him settle for the same greens day after day, so I always try to have two or three different types of leafy greens on hand for him. Last week I bought turnip greens and collard greens. Not knowing what to do with them since Daxos is a pretty small dude and can't eat more than a couple leaves I turned to the internet and found the following recipe which I only slightly adjusted:

When I showed up to school the next day (yes, I had a busy week and cooked this up five days ago) one of the teachers I eat with said "what've you got today?"

"Cannellini bean soup," I replied.

"Can I try it," she said scooping a small amount onto her fork. "Mmm, that's pretty good."

"You're damn right it's good. Who do you think I am? I'm Tommy K."

"Psh, don't get all big headed and cocky."

"I'm sorry, that's the way your mom likes it."

Cannellini Bean Soup

Olive Oil
1 Onion Diced
6 Cloves Garlic
3 Stalks Celery Diced
1 lb Dried Cannellini Beans
1 c. White Wine (I tossed the bottle or I'd be more specific... uh, sorry?)
~8 c. Water
Salt to Taste (this may require a fair amount; it always does with dried beans.)
2 Bay Leaves
5 Sprigs Freshly Cut Rosemary
0.5 tsp Thyme
Dash Oregano
Moderate Dash Cayenne
Heapin' Helpin's Chopped Collard Greens and Turnip Greens
Pepper to Taste

Saute about 4/5 of the Onion, all of the Celery and all of the Garlic in a little bit of Olive Oil. Add them to the rinsed Beans in a Crock Pot. Pour in the Wine, Water, Salt, and Herbs and Spices. Let cook on low for many hours. Add more Water if necessary. About 30 minutes before serving add the remaining Onion and Greens. Let cook for 30 minutes and serve in a bowl, Bread bowl, or Superbowl.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Back That Fish Up

You got me: I'm listening to Juvenile's epic soliloquy "Back That Azz Up". I'm also eating a fish feast. Seriously, I don't know if it's that I cook fish like I was raised in the Red Lobster (assuming the Red Lobster's great- I wouldn't know since I haven't eaten there in probably two decades...), or if it's just that I love seafood (in which case I should probably hit up the all-you-can-eat shrimp at the Red Lobster...). Either way, I just want to point out that "you's a fine motha-f****a, won't you back that azz up!"

Terrifically Great-Fantastically Wonderful Fish

1 lb +- (plus or minus) 0.25 lb Mahi Mahi
1 tbsp H.E.B. brand South Carolina BBQ Sauce
Dashes Soy Sauce
Dash Fish Sauce
Dash Oyster Sauce
Dash Srirachi
Sesame Oil
The Artist Known for "Push-It" to Taste

~1 lb Asparagus

Coat a cast iron skillet with Sesame Oil and mix all the non-fish items in a bowl minus the "The Artist Known for 'Push-It'". "The Artist Known for 'Push-It'" the slick skillet (yes, this is a euphemism for President Bill Clinton). Put in the Mahi Mahi skin up. Let sizzle for a moment or two. Then flip and coat with a sauce created by mixing all the remaining ingredients to taste. Let cook for a moment or two... possibly the length of a short song like "Please Play This Song on the Radio" by NOFX" or roughly half the length of "Push-It". Then recklessly throw in the Asparagus. Let cook until Asparagus tastes right. Serve. Garnish with the last drizzles of sauce and you'll love this for chizzles.