Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Doc Money Tells Me It's Eggs Benedict

Wow! Back by popular demand is the one and only Gourmet Apartment fresh from Chicago. Chicago, as you know, has great food and I was fortunate enough to have been able to sample of few of their treats: Italian Beef, deep dish pizza (Pequot's Pizza- better than Uno's, Gino's, or any of the other more recognizable names), and pastries from Bennison's Bakery to name a few. Unfortunately, I was inspired by none of the above when I decided to make Eggs Benedict for breakfast this morning.

Well golly gee, Tommy, if those didn't inspire you, what did?

I'm glad you asked, friend. You see, when I was grocery shopping yesterday I was debating a loaf of bread when I saw English muffins. Appearing too good to be true I had to buy them... which meant that I would have to use them. Which meant that I needed eggs; none of this jam and butter for the Gourmet Apartment. This also meant that I had to google the recipe for Hollandaise Sauce in the grocery store and pick up some women- I mean lemons- in order to make the recipe.

Eggs Benedict

4 Eggs
1 English Muffin
A few slices of Gruyere (or something cheaper and equally tasty if you're not pretentious)
A few slices of Tomato
2 <= x <= 00 (that's supposed to be an infinity sign) Deli Ham
~1/3 Stick of Cheese
Tabasco Sauce (but not really)
Mustard (but not really)
1/2 Lemon (yes, really)

I got the recipe for the Hollandaise Sauce from Never again Never again. Either my Tabasco sucks and is spoiled (can that happen to Tabasco?) or that was the stupidest suggestion I've ever been given. And for that matter, Mustard? Really? It wasn't foul, but was it necessary? Or maybe it was my fault for adding too little Butter. Whatever. Point being, put the yolk from two of the Eggs in your mini-food processor along with the Lemon, the Tabasco, and the Mustard. Melt the Butter and blend it all together. Keep it warm.

While this is going on, poach the two remaining Eggs. I watched a couple youtube videos on how to poach an Egg. My old housemate, bless her soul, told me to create a whirlpool and drop the Egg into this whirlpool to create perfectly poached Eggs every time. A guy on youtube said the same thing, but I don't like to be told what to do, so I followed some other guy who suggested I just pour it into some simmering water (just below a boil). This worked out well for me. The first one wasn't so good, but that's because I poached the whites from the two Eggs whose yolks I stole with it and it got a little gunky. The second Egg was much better. You leave the Eggs in the simmering water for about five minutes. Dry the Eggs on a paper towel while the two halves of the English Muffin are toasting.

On the toasted Muffin halves place a piece (or more if you'd like) of Ham, slices of Tomato, the drier poached Eggs, Cheese (preferably melted), and then drizzle the Hollandaise Sauce on for chizzle.

It's the Pamela Anderson of breakfasts, you know what I mean, the Double D: Decadent and Delicious.

And this why I'm single.

A note about the picture: I know it looks gross. WTF Hollandaise Sauce? I guess I need more Butter to thin it out? Anyone? White Wine maybe? And those French Fry looking things are actually slices of Cheese. I'm rusty after a week, what do you want?

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