Thursday, March 31, 2011

Asian Pesto

Hi! I apologize for the last few posts. My most loyal reader pointed out to me that I've seemed angry, not so family friendly, and maybe a little depressed... I don't know... I think it's just that time of the year for a teacher; summer's just around the corner, but not just yet, and the kids know it, too. With that in mind, I want to make this G again.

I made seaweed salad. I've got to wonder with all that's going on in Japan if the radio active seawater is creating radio active seaweed that some Japanese Peter Parker is going to eat to become Seaweed-Man! I'm pretty sure my seaweed was farm raised in Texas or somewhere else in the USA, so I'm probably not at risk of super powers, but who knows. If I wake up tomorrow and have the power to photosynthesize my own nutrients then that would be pretty cool I guess, but I like to eat, so maybe it would actually be a curse. Now I'm rambling. Here's how to make my (not quite perfect) seaweed salad:

Seaweed Salad

1 lb. Seaweed
3 tbsp. Rice Vinegar
1.5 tbsp. Soy Sauce (I ran out of Soy Sauce!)
1.5 tbsp. Fish Sauce (because I ran out of Soy Sauce!)
1 tbsp. Sesame Oil
1 Large Pinch Sugar
Couple Dashes Salt
1 tbsp. Sesame Seeds

Rince Seaweed and mix everything together. Chill. Enjoy.

Thai Pesto

Giant Scoop Peanuts
Giant Bunch Thai Basil (hence the Pesto)
4 Cloves Garlic
1 in^2 Ginger
5 Dried Red Chili Peppers
Sizable Pour Sesame Oil
Couple Spritz Sriracha
Smaller Spritz Fish Sauce
Larger Spritz Rice Vinegar

1/3 Onion
2 Chicken Quarters Diced
1 Bunch Green Onion Diced
Juice of 1 Lime

Sauteed Onion in Sesame Oil. Then put in Chicken. Mini-food Process Peanuts to Larger Spritz Rice Vinegar. Add that puree-like thing. Cook until chicken is done and then add green onion. Serve over rice. Squirt lime juice everywhere.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Tacos. mmm... Tacos.

Sometimes I take a look at my life and say "what the freaking crap are you doing?" and then I call my friend and he tells me I need to take a chance and then I continue sipping beer and cooking and here's what I come up with:

Take the pork roast that you've cooked in your Crock Pot for the entire day (7:00am when you left for school, until 6 something when you return) and put it on flour tortillas (because you're feeling decadent) with Goya beans that you've heated on the stove, avocado slices, queso fresco, sour cream, cilantro, and maybe a little bit of homemade salsa. How do you make homemade salsa, you ask? Follow this recipe:


1 Tomato
1 Tomatillo
Big ol' Bunch of Cilantro
1 - 00 (that's the infinity sign if you couldn't tell. n00b) Jalapenos
3 Cloves Garlic
1/4 Onion
Dash of Cumin
Lime Juice

Put everything in mini-food processor and enjoy the shit out of this dip.

Peace. I'm out.

Wait! Don't forget to take some of the remaining pork the next day, pull it apart and mix with BBQ sauce and eat on a Kaiser roll.

March Madness is my bitch. If anyone actually thought UConn was going to lose, it's because they're an uneducated moron. Happy birthday, Ben!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Lip Smackin' Wiener

#1: I really like the TV show Glee.
#2: If you're listening to Katy Perry as you read this then that's awesome: +5. If you're listening to Pink Martini, then that's more awesome, but worth fewer points (don't shoot the messenger): +3. If you're listening to the new Lady Gaga song, then you're not alone: +4. If you're listening to KXT 91.7: +9. And if you're dancing to anything: +15. I'm a math teacher, so don't question my numbers. Also, I know a thing or two about love.
#3: If you're in the mood for some sausage, then do what I did and take a German Brat and cook it in some already frying onion. Cover it in homebrewed, diacetyl-laced rye ale, and eat it on a bun with greens, condiments, and cheddar and Guinness cheese.

Also: wongvivant, you'd better enjoy this time before the next NCAA games happen, because you're going down.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Tons of Shit Thai Dish!

1 tbsp Coriander Seed
1 tbsp Dried Lemon Grass
1 tbsp Pepper Spheres
1/2 tbsp Sesame Seed
1/2 tbsp Cumin Seed
1/2 tbsp Mustard Seed

1 Tomato
1 Jalapeno
5 Cloves Garlic
1 in^2 Tamarind Pulp

Maniacal Quantities of Sesame Oil

1/2 Onion
96 Rectangle Prisms of Firm Tofu all Similar to the Original Single Block of Firm Tofu
Typhoons of Fish Sauces, Soy Sauce, and Sriracha

14 oz can of Coconut Milk

1 Pineapple Chunked
1 Mango Chunked

1 lb. Chicken Tenders Chopped

1 Red Bell Pepper
1 Orange Bell Pepper

Clump of Green Onion Diced
Bundle of Thai Basil Chopped

Grind all the spices in a coffee grinder. Puree tomato, jalapeno, garlic, and tamarind pulp in mini food processor. Add ground spices and puree more. Fry onion in sesame oil for a while. Then add tofu and continue frying for a while. Add tomato spice mixture and fry. Add tofu juice (remaining liquid from container), soy sauce, fish sauce, and sriracha. Simmer. Add coconut milk. Bring to a boil. Add pineapple and mango. Let simmer for a while. Add chicken. Let cook for a while. Once rice is almost done- by the way, make sure you start some rice about 15 minutes ago. Add bell peppers. Just before rice is done and you're ready to serve, add green onion and basil.

Happy Saint Paddy's Day!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Super Chocolate m&m Cookies!

I'd make love to these cookies if they weren't so manly. Slightly chewy with loads of m&m's and tons of heart. I stole the recipe and used my ridiculous math capabilities to scale the recipe found here by a factor of 0.5. For those of you who think this is a weak post (assholes) I'm brewing a freaking Saison tonight, so get off my jock. Oh, and if you didn't figure this out already, I used m&ms instead of chocolate chips. I got them on sale, so get off my gosh darn jock!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Breakfast of Teachers on Spring Break aka Champs

I'm on Spring Break!!! It's not hollow, believe me, despite the fact that I took off three of four days (my first days off) of last week for Mardi Gras!!! Speaking of which, muffalettas, crawfish etouffee, raw oyster, and oyster po boy, how can you not love New Orleans? New Orlean's Brewing Co's Hopitoulas, Lazy Magnolia's Southern Pecan, and everything Abita! It's a great city, but that's all in the past for the time being since I'm back home and... on Spring Break!!!

Throw some maple breakfast sausage in a frying pan in little clumps like you would cookies or pancakes. Scramble eggs in sausage grease. Toast some bread and coat with butter. Enjoy with some grapefruit juice.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Poor Man's Duck with Butternut Squash Mash

I always thought duck was a rich man's food until I found it at the Asian grocery store for $2.59/lb. So I roast half a duck. Turns out you're not supposed to cook it too long. This was a little dry, tough, and not as good as chicken, but it's something I want to practice with. Leave me a comment if you have any ideas.

Roast Duck

1/2 Duck
Lamb Fat

I saved the fat from the lamb I made a while back and essentially braised the lamb in the oven with just salt and pepper to spice it up. I think this was good, but you could certainly make it more exciting if you wish. I cooked on 350 for about 25 minutes, but could've probably finished sooner. Like I said, it wasn't bad, but I've got to make it juicier next time.

Butternut Squash Mash

1 Butternut Squash
2 tbsp. Brown Sugar
1 tsp. Cinnamon
1/2 tsp. Nutmeg
Dash Clove

Roast Butternut Squash in a small amount of water in oven at 350 for 45 minutes. Remove from oven and scrape out cooked vegetable flesh (not what you're thinking Mr. Zombie) into a bowl. Add spices and sugar and mash/mix with a fork or spoon. So good.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I'm so souther I'm Mexican.

On my way home I decided to stop by the Asian grocery store even though I was in the mood for some good ol' food. They had boneless skinless chicken breasts (which got a laugh in the fourth grade) on sale for $1.49/lb. but I didn't want to make curry or Asian food or anything like that so I said: Chicken Fried Chicken! I bought some potatoes, okra, a couple tomatoes and we were in business.

Chicken Fried Chicken

2 Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts
Salt n Pepper

Soak chicken in milk. Coat in flour until dry. Let sit for a few minutes then give it an egg wash and recoat in flour. Fry in oil until fully cooked and season with salt n pepper.


~1/4 cup oil (the same oil I fried my chicken in)
~1 cup milk
~1/2 cup flour (the same flour I battered my chicken with... make sure you cook it thoroughly)
Salt n Pepper

Mix all together. Bring to a boil and then simmer until ready to eat. Add more milk when needed.

Mashed Potatoes

2 Potatoes
Salt n Pepper

Chop potatoes and chop until soft. Mash with salt, pepper, and milk.

Okra Medley

1/3 lb. Okra
1/2 Onion
3 cloves Garlic
2 Roma Tomatoes

Chop everything up. Saute onion and garlic in leftover oil. Add tomatoes and okra and seasoning (normally I'd make my own, but my mom gave me a can of Tony Chachere's so this is what I used). Simmer until cooked.